Who's On Your Team?

So, there's a football game today! Which got me thinking about teamwork and our message from church a couple of weeks ago. And love, and family. Bear with me, they all mesh, I promise. It's what I do. 

Being part of a team is definitely a bonus when you're trying to win. In any area of your life- parenting, your job, friendships- having a strong, cohesive team can be the deciding factor in how you feel when you get up to face the day. Despite setbacks and minor losses (and we ALL have them), knowing you're not going it alone can help lend strength, tenacity, and problem-solving creativity.

When you think about the bigger picture of life, this is especially true! You want to be surrounded by people who:

• have a shared vision of "winning" or what the end game might look like
• elevate you and challenge you to be your best self
• compliment your weak areas
• are reliable and someone you can count on
• are a fan of you! 

Let's get real, these people may or may not be your family. For me, my team consists of the people I choose to surround myself with. If I consider you family, you better believe there is a fierce love and loyalty there! 

In Of Mess and Moxie, author Jen Hatmaker refers to love as a way of listening to another person's story, perspective, pain, or experience without judgement. Love is a way of breaking down barriers and truly making another feel welcomed. 

If, as the author claims, "isolation concentrates every struggle", then a handy solution would be found in true teamwork. Think about your worst day at work, or a regrettable parenting memory. Were your burdens eased at all by venting to a trusted co-worker, calling a close momma friend, or the arrival of your co-parent? Even just sharing our struggles with someone close to us can lift stress and help us find solutions we'd otherwise be unable to see on our own. 

Humans weren't made to exist in a vacuum. If you look around, you'll find you probably already belong to several "teams", some you may or may not consider family. And the even better news is that, as social creatures, we have the ability to seek new connections, or teams, or repair ones that need strengthening. Love can do that, too. 

One of my longest-playing teams is that of my college girlfriends. I think we're closing in on 25 years now! This is definitely a team-family-tribe that I cherish, and we all rely on in various ways. I have a great team at work, and other teams I'm working to build as a single mom. My kids and I even make a team (some days)- ha! 

I challenge you to think of all the teams you play on, your role, and how well the team characteristics fit. Is there room for improvement? Is there a need in your life that could be better met by a new team? 

Hello Again!

I'm overjoyed to have found my long-lost blog, and am looking forward to connecting with a host of new readers and friends! Let me re-introduce myself (since a lot has changed since my last post)...

I'm Bekah, a single mother of 2 teen girls. Let me tell you upfront that my life gets crazy!

To pay the bills, I work with children with disabilities and their families. I'm good at it. Really good. I've also been at my current job for almost 14 years. My caseload is so demanding that it often interferes with being able to effectively parent my own kids (more on that later). I'm stressed more often than not, and even though I love what I do, it's beginning to weigh me down. So I'm starting to weigh my options. More on that later, too. 

For fun, I read, write, sometimes crochet, hang with friends, and binge TV with my girls. We watched Friends all the way through at least 7 times. I love to take pictures, but not in an artsy way, just for reflection and documentation. I'm really into my planner. I watch endless videos about self-improvement, self-reflection, reaching an audience, empowering women, being your authentic self... you get the picture. I could sit in a coffee shop, just chatting and writing probably every day. 

I'm on a huge internal overhaul. Vision boards, manifesting, prayer and Bible study, writing and journaling, thinking and talking- so get ready for it! 

I'm pretty honest and tend to overshare. So if you like deep conversations with a complete stranger, you've come to the right place! Let's be friends :)

One Little Word for 2013

This year's word snuck up on me. I wasn't expecting it. It took a while for me to recognize it, to acknowledge it, to accept it. It sounds so....not me. And then I thought, "maybe that's the point". The One Little Word that has chosen me for 2013 is ACTION.

Here's the post that really got me thinking this word was choosing me.

I still need to spend some time with this word to discover what it really means to me. Maybe that process will take all year. I don't know. So far, I know it means moving my body and exercising (a continuation of HEALTH, my OLW for 2012).  I know it means finishing some projects around the house. It means doing more than watching TV in the evenings. It means following through with some expectations for my kids (think chore chart, from 2011's OLW- CALM).

...see how these words never really go away, how they complement and bolster each other? I just love that.

I can't wait to find out what else ACTION will come to mean to me this coming year.
Do you have a guiding word or make resolutions for the New Year? I'd love the hear about it!

Thankful Thursday 12/27/12

the last Thursday in 2012
I haven't blogged in over a month
I'm still in my PJ's and it's 2:30 in the afternoon
shopping for a car just stinks...

these are just random thoughts as the year wraps up

but here are my gratitudes for the week, the day, this moment...

I am thankful my kids got to play in some serious snow yesterday and today!
I am thankful hubs made it safely to and from work in said snow.
I am thankful for neighbors who will give me a lift when needed.
I am thankful for friends who are just there when I need them, for problems big and small.
I am thankful for hot chocolate.
I am thankful for forgiveness, both giving and receiving.

Enjoy the last few days of 2012!

Thankful Thursday 11/1/12

Just a hodgepodge of thankful thoughts today...

I am thankful that all we got from Sandy was a little wind and rain. My heart goes out to all those on the east coast.

I am thankful to live in a country where I am allowed to VOTE! My husband and I exercised our right to vote early on Monday.

I am thankful for a little pill called Relpax. It (most of the time) nips my migraines in the bud.

I am thankful my oldest daughter is learning to cook a few simple things. Tonight she is making soup and grilled cheese, and I get a break!

Thanks for stopping by. What are you thankful for today?

Thankful Thursday 10/25/12

We just got back from "Math Night" at my kids' school. There are lots of math-related activities. Tonight we estimated the weight of a pumpkin, graphed different varieties of candy corn (white chocolate and green apple- who knew?) and launched tennis balls at targets.

I am thankful for my kids everyday...just look at these faces!

Tonight I was reminded how thankful I am for their school and their teachers. These men and women are so creative and patient, and I know they truly care about my children. Tonight my youngest daughter's teacher, Mrs. N, told my husband and I that we need to have two more kids so I can send them to Central. When I asked her why, she said, "Because the two you already have are so awesome!" What a compliment!

I am thankful for the adults in my life who care about my kids, teach them, and keep them safe. They really are partners in raising my daughters.

Thankful Thursday 10/11/12

As I mentioned a few days ago, reinstating my Thankful Thursday posts is one way I can work towards my goal of health, my One Little Word for this year.

I am thankful for our neighbors. It is so nice for my kids to have so many friends living next door, and the hubs and I have made new friends, too. We all end up hanging out or doing something together at least once a week!

 

I am thankful for my Kindle Fire. Seriously, I just love that thing. Everyone else in the house loves it too- I barely have a chance to use it these days!

 

I am thankful that my youngest daughter is discovering a love for Harry Potter! She's been an avid reader for quite a while now, but I think it's exciting that we'll get to have discussions about some of my favorite characters ever.

 

I am thankful that my husband was able to buy a new guitar. He's patiently waited for one for over a year, and I love listening to him play in the evenings.

I love the sense of fulfillment and gratitude this practice cultivates. Definitely good for my mental health!

Update on One Little Word 2012: Health

I didn't follow through with my One Little Word album this year, but I have been reflecting this past week on what I have accomplished toward my goal of health. Some things were deliberate, and some just luck. What else can I do in these last few months of the year?

Physical health- Through some rough medical treatments, time, and a little luck, I am now in remission from Meniere's disease and Relapsing Polychondritis. I returned to work in December of last year. I have worked hard to lose over 50 pounds so far, and have been able to discontinue two of my medications. Good progress here!

Mental health- Feeling good physically has definitely helped my mental outlook as well. I can't think of anything I've really put into practice to help in this area. To do: re-establish weekly "Thankful Thursday" posts. This is such a great way to keep perspective.

Relationship health- I think I've done a great job here this year. My family and I took a long-anticipated vacation to Disney World this past spring, and we all had a great time! We made some great memories that will last for years to come. I (only partially willingly) took a new position at work, and I've worked for months to accept the realities of my new job. Some of the benefits are that I am able to establish a different sort of relationship with the families I support, and build new professional connections as well. My husband and I just celebrated our 12 year anniversary with a quick get-away. We considered various locations, but in the end we consciously spent our time at a secluded cabin. This trip was about US, not about doing stuff.

Financial health- I admit, the report is not so great here. Sure, we're paying all the bills and afforded a couple of vacations this year, but our savings is still stagnant. To do: make a plan to boost up that account a little- E-bay? Making and selling cards or crochet projects? Yard sale?

I have three more months to focus on health, and I'm looking forward to what I can accomplish. I hope that health continues to linger in my mind, as calm (my One Little Word from 2011) has thus far. A few ideas are percolating pertaining to next year's word, too! Some seem obvious to me, but one or two words caught me by surprise but are persistently creeping into my conscious- one of these words keeps popping up in my blog posts. Can you guess what it is?

Do you have a special word or quote that helps move you forward?

Comfort

Today's One Word Project prompt at Shutter Sisters...Comfort

Flickr group

Book Review: Lone Wolf by Jodi Picoult

Lone Wolf by Jodi Picoult
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Most people either really love Jodi Picoult or really don't. I am generally a neutral party- some of her books I love, some are just so-so for me. This book definitely fell into the "love" category.

The whole story just feels so raw. Painful family relationships are juxtaposed with close encounters with wolves, both in captivity and in the wild. I know this sounds like a strange combination, but it works.

Luke is a father of two and a wolf activist. He not only leaves his family for almost two years to live in the wild, he also maintains a pack in captivity. He has dedicated his life to preservation and education.

Luke's daughter, Cara, moves in with him after her parents divorce. Edward, Cara's older brother, packed up and left the country when he was just 18. The estranged siblings are thrown together when tragedy strikes and Luke is in a coma.

I won't give away the rest of the book, because the major drama and emotion in the book comes from the siblings' differing views on end-of-life decisions.

This was touching and heart-wrenching, at times even painful. But beautifully done!

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Procrastination?

For most of my life, I have been a doer. Get it done now. No time like the present.

Then I hit my mid-30's and something changed. I slowed down and relaxed my sense of urgency. While that's really just a nice way of saying I'm now a major procrastinator, it is true that letting go of, or at least putting off,  not-so-important tasks has helped me cultivate calm.

Today I realized something equally important. Letting go is only good until the undone tasks start to create stress instead of relieve it.

Case in point:
We painted our living room several months ago. I bought new furniture and lamps, and had a vague plan for the wall space over the couch. This is what that area looks like today:

Yep. Still bare. This has been really bugging me for the past few weeks. So much so, that every time I look at that wall I scowl. Not good. The time for procrastination is over. Today I started painting some things I know I want on the wall, and put out a call to Facebook friends for a couple of other items I want. Action feels good.

To maintain my momentum, I am returning to one of my favorite organizational techniques, list making. I am trying something new and making my list time-sensitive by putting my to-do tasks on our family calendar. Everything won't get done at once, but I have a visual prompt to keep chipping away, and a reference that assures me there is light at the end of the tunnel. To maintain calm, I am admitting up front that my schedule may need tweaked now and then to accommodate changes to the kids' schedule (think extra dance practice before their parade in November), and the unplannable, such as my niece who is due in a week or so! Notice I said tweaked, not abandoned!

Are you a procrastinator? If so, are you good with that, or do you find ways to keep yourself going?

Around Here, September 2012

Around here, my girls are deciding on Halloween costumes, changing their minds, then changing them back again.

Around here, we are enjoying spending time with our neighbors- driveway tailgating and backyard bonfires. Lots of kids running around.

Around here, we are amazed that Justin's accident happened two years ago this month.

Around here, Morgan is struggling with homework. I hate to see her dislike school so much, and it is very stressful for her and me.

Around here, Justin and I are getting ready to celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary with a little trip to a secluded cabin. Can't wait!

Around here, both girls are taking dance lessons. That makes for one long night of classes!

Around here, we all fight over the Kindle!

Around here, we are having a lot of discussions about autism. We finally sat the girls down and told them that Morgan has Asperger's Syndrome.

Around here, school papers are already stacking up and multiplying. I just signed my first permission slip of the year.

Around here, Vivian is really caught between wanting to be a big kid, and still needing to be the baby. She has decided it is hard being the little sister.

Around here, I am enjoying the cooler mornings and evenings.

Around here, we still seek patience, simplicity, and forgiveness.


Other "Around Here" posts: 2011, 2010

Losing my Passion

As I was sitting on my front porch today watching all the neighborhood kids run around, relishing these last few weeks of outdoors time, I found myself being a little jealous of their joy. Their energy. Their passion.

I have had a lot of good things happen this year. I moved into a new position at work. I've been healthy. I've lost weight. Took a great family trip to Disney World. But I seem to have lost my passion for a lot of things I once treasured. Some of those things I can live without, and chalk it up to "people change". But some things I don't WANT to let go...taking photos, scrapbooking, blogging about more than book reviews, my role as family memory-keeper. I dropped Project 365 and only got two months in to my One Little Word project. I have only scrapped through September 2011, and have not yet printed any photos from 2012. What gives?

While I feel a tinge of disappointment, mostly I feel an awakening. A welcoming of possibilities. An excitement to recommit to these things I love. I've enjoyed browsing for some new products that might help me simplify my memory-keeping, like Project Life. I'm gathering up supplies to start prepping my December Daily project. I've ordered last year's pictures for my girls' school albums. I have two meaningful blog posts written and scheduled.

Action feels good.

Have you had a similar experience? Lost your passion and joy for something you truly love? How did you re-ignite that spark?

Fall is in the air...

Can you feel it?

I love all the sensory experiences of fall...

crunching leaves

Pumpkin Spice lattes
football games

bonfires and S'mores

crisp air and sweaters

 

I also love Halloween. I'm finally getting last fall's photos into scrapbooks. Here are the girls' pumpkins from 2011.



 

Supplies:

Paper- Me and My Big Ideas, misc

Stickers- Creative Memories; Martha Stewart

Alphas- Basic Grey; Scenic Route

Other- Stickles

The Dark Tower by Stephen King
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I began my quest alongside Roland in September of 2010 with The Gunslinger. I was sitting in a hospital room with my husband who had suffered a terrible accident at work. I got an email from my local library on September 8, 2012, telling me that my reserved copy of The Dark Tower was ready to be picked up. Two years TO THE DAY of my husband's accident and the day I turned to page one in this entire series. Ka.
In this final installment, Roland and his ka-tet are broken apart, over and over. It's really quite devestating to read. Through all the loss and pain, we get to witness a bit of honesty, a bit of doubt, and a bit of love...all from the bold and single-minded Gunslinger.

I honestly can't say I loved the entire book. Some parts were pretty slow, as in the previous books. I can't say I loved more appearances by Stephen King. I, as a lot of other Constant Readers, found this to be too self-indulgent. After reading the Coda, I am content with his explaination. I can't say I loved the ending, because it was almost too unfair to be true.

I can say I loved the journey.

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Book Review: Trace by Patricia Cornwell

Trace by Patricia Cornwell
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I just don't know. This is the second Scarpetta book I have read (admittedly out of order), and there's something I'm just not getting.

This one begins promisingly enough, with Kay and detective Pete Marino heading back to Virginia to help solve the mysterious death of a 14 year old girl. We meet some creepy people- the new chief medical examiner, for one, and our real bad guy, Edgar Allen Pogue.

"Trace" centers around trace evidence found at three seemingly unrelated crime scenes. One of these, of course, involves Kay's niece Lucy. Lucy has a wicked intellect and is about as self-absorbed and destructive as a PMSing teenager.

The story surrounding the crimes is actually pretty good- but there is too much distraction for this to be a really good book. The CME is thrown in as kind of a red herring- he has some skeletons in his closet, but we never reslove anything with him. You can feel Kay and Benton (her, what? Boyfriend? Husband? I'm not sure what he is at this point) struggling to bury their hurtful past, but no one talks about it and there is no confrontation. Some opportunities for real drama are just skated over.

I've heard the earlier Scarpetta novels are better, but I think I'm done.

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Book Review: The Scarpetta Factor

The Scarpetta Factor by Patricia Cornwell
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I have to admit I had never read a Kay Scarpetta book before this one. I will be reading more! It reminds me of Bones, without the social awkwardness.

Kay is a Medical Examiner for the city of New York. The cast of (I'm guessing) regular characters is long, but includes Detective Marino, her computer whiz niece Lucy, and psychologist-husband Benton.

I thought this book was a nice mix of technology, medical terminology, and detective work. The crew is hunting the truth about what happened to Tori, a woman found murdered in Central Park. We learn through example that it's best to let the fact tell the sotry, instead of fitting the facts to a convenient theory.

There was not as much suspense as I had expected, but other than that, a good read.

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Love Unfinished by Darian Wilk
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Wow, I can't believe so many other readers gave this 4 or 5 stars...

IF (and that's a big IF) you can get past the terrible editing and e-book formatting, the characters, plot and dialogue leave so much to be desired.

The story emerges as somewhat hokey, but sweet- a young couple is killed on their wedding day and arrive in a sort of limbo, with a chance to find each other again through reincarnation.

From there on in, the story is a confusing mix of plot angles and choppy phrasing. I get the gist- Emma (the reincarnated Carol) finds herself in a loveless marriage to a dishonest, manipulative politician. Through a series of seemingly coincidental events, she falls in love with James, a quiet, earnest antique dealer. It comes as no surprise that he is actually her former-life love, Ted.

What really got to me were these random plot points- Emma's jerk of a husband becomes abusive out of the blue. She has this crazy, alcoholic, bitchy best friend who seems like the same sort of person Emma loathes. At one point James discovers an old gold brooch and a photo of Carol/Emma wearing it on her (first) wedding day, and seems to get the connection...but instead of this being a major turning point in the story, it is glossed over and never fully explained. Emma herself has a personality that goes where the wind blows...desperate for the love of the ass she married, strong and determined, disgusted with herself for loving a man who is not her husband, snarky and catty.

I found this book to be boring, lacking in fully thought-out scenes, and grammatically excrutiating. Recommended for no one!

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Book Review: Dead is the New Black

Dead Is the New Black by Christine DeMaio-Rice
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Lauren is a fashionista turned amature sleuth. As a patternmaker in New York City's garment district, she gives us a close look at how high-end clothing is made, from cutting on the bias to picking the right thread to sew on a button. Think along the lines of "The Devil Wears Prada" or "Project Runway".

The story begins about a week before a major fashion show. Her whole office is in a whirl preparing. Hardworking Lauren comes into work on a weekend, only to find her boss (the dashing gay man she's crushing on) standing over the dead body of his financial backer. Talk about a monkey wrench!

The list of potential perps gets a little confusing, as the number of minor characters is long. A few side trips into Lauren's relationship with her sister, a beat-down by pseudo-mobsters, and a kiss from her long-time pal Stu add to the confusion.

As Lauren and her sister chase down one lead after another, she gets closer to the surprising truth, and danger.

This was a cute story, and I liked the fashion industry backdrop. However, the plot lines were too complex for such a simple idea, and the various characters/motives were too plentiful to really make sense.

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Then and Now

What a difference a year makes!

Last year about this time, I was sick. Really, really sick. Dizzy and in pain, on tons of steroids, unable to work. Felt terrible, looked terrible. Back then, I wrote about the Face of Prednisone, about how cruel life-saving drugs can be. I was on the medication from about May 2011 to April 2012. Here's what I looked like in November of last year:

 

Since I went back to work in December, I have been working hard to lose the steroid weight and get in shape. After losing about 20 pounds on my own, I got serious and joined Weight Watchers Online. I know it's not for everyone, but it has worked for me in the past, so I jumped on a sale they ran at the end of April. So far, 51 pounds gone! Here's me, this past weekend:

I am a work in progress. I still have a lot of weight to lose. Next up is adding regular exercise into my life. But I am feeling stronger and healthier every day. I can carry a load of laundry up the stairs without pain- I can take a walk at the park without being dizzy- I can drive myself to work- that's such a great feeling!

What a difference a year makes.

This post was inspired by The Bug's post about her own then/now.