Book Review: Jackpot! by Jackie Pilossoph

Jackpot! by Jackie Pilossoph
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I found the premise of this book to be fairly interesting (otherwise I wouldn't have picked it up)- a Jewish mother wants nothing more than to become a Jewish grandmother, but her single, selfish son and daughter aren't cooperating. Then, she wins the lottery and makes them an offer they can't refuse...or can they?

If either of her children can produce an offspring over the next year, they get 8 million dollars.

The rush to find baby-making partners ensues.

At this point, the plot becomes overwhelmingly and disappointingly predictable. You can probably guess, so I'll just go ahead a tell you- the quest for a willing sex partner leads to true love for both. Said partners find out about the jackpot agreement, everyone gets dumped, then everyone finds forgiveness and they live happily ever after.

There are some humorous moments and likeable characters that make this a decent read, despite the lack of true surprises. Quick and easy, not a bad summer choice.

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Sundays in My City: Big Butter Jesus

Join us as we travel the world with the Unknown Mami. I am joining you from SW Ohio, just north of Cincinnati.

This statue is for real, and it is about 15 minutes from my house. You can see it on I-75, between Dayton and Cincinnati, Ohio. It sits in front of a baptismal pond for the Solid Rock Church. Around these parts it's known as Big Butter Jesus or Touchdown Jesus (my favorite). The "big butter" is a reference to carvings made out of actual butter at the Ohio State Fair. Well, probably other state fairs, too.

I personally find it very distracting, and I am somewhat disgusted by the reported $250,000 it cost the church to erect. However, it has inspired a very funny song by comedian Heywood Banks. Here are the lyrics to "Big Butter Jesus":

In southern Ohio, just north of Cincinnati
I beheld a vision, next to the expressway.
Was a 60 foot jesus, with his hands in the air
looks like he’s carved out of butter,
just like at the state fair.

Big butter Jesus
Sweet cream Jesus
Oh country fresh Jesus
Unsalted Jesus
Oh Promise Jesus

Imperial Jesus
Can’t believe it’s not Jesus
Oleo Lord.

Well you see him from the chest up
like he’s about to do a back flip,

like he scored a touchdown
or maybe melting or about to drown.

Well I’ve been to the state fair
seen a cow made out of corn cobs
Garth Brooks made of string cheese
and the virgin out of olives.

Big butter Jesus
Sweet cream Jesus
Oh country fresh Jesus
Unsalted Jesus
Oh Promise Jesus
Imperial Jesus

Can’t believe it’s not Jesus
Oleo Lord.

Shipped in pieces on a flatbed
staring backwards was his big head
Driver stuck in traffic backups
desperately avoiding eye contact.

Well don’t make no graven images.
That’s one of the 10 commandments
I hope the grading curve is kindly

You get to heaven with a 90.

Big butter Jesus
Sweet cream Jesus
Oh country fresh Jesus
Unsalted Jesus
Oh Promise Jesus

Imperial Jesus
Can’t believe it’s not Jesus
Oleo Lord.

Can’t believe it’s not Jesus

Oh spread the word.

For the full effect, check out the actual song on YouTube:

Hope I have made you laugh today. Have a great week!

Writer's Workshop: A letter to SpongeBob

Writer's Workshop: An open letter to a cartoon character.

I am angry with SpongeBob Squarepants.

Dear Mr. Squarepants:

Please leave my daughters alone. Especially Morgan. When you are not in her face and in her head, she is charming, smart and creative. When she gets fixated on one of your idiodic episodes, she mimics your antics until she is sent to the hallway by her teacher "until she can calm down".

You should know that you have been banned from our house. Any momentary relief I felt when my children would veg out in front of your show has been replaced by embarrassment (from the issues at school) and annoyance (from dinner conversation beginning with, "Mom, did you see what SpongeBob did...).

Yes, banned. It may seem harsh, and you may seem like an innocent sponge, but I know better. You are addictive and promote stupidity. Going cold-turkey was tough on my kids, I admit, but I am convinced they will be smarter and more interesting because of it.

Sincerely,

Fed Up Momma